I had a surreal moment while watching TV, but blamed it on the after effects of my double flu and Covid booster jabs.
As I gazed at Jason Leitch – the jovial no-nonsense NHS frontman for the Scottish Covid safety campaign – I had a weird thought.
I found myself thinking about shows like Starstruck, where contestants dress up and perform as their favourite singing stars.
You might see three “Tina Turners”, for example, all strutting their stuff at the same time to impress judges.
As I watched Professor Leitch make his latest Covid public-health proclamation, I turned to my wife.
“With stage make-up and the right spectacles he might pass for one of the Proclaimers,” I said.
Well, both of them in fact as Craig and Charlie Reid are obviously twins.
Could Professor Leitch carry a tune?
By the way, I hope my wife has your full sympathy as she has to put up with a lot of this kind of nonsense while watching our gogglebox.
With his timbre and quickfire delivery I reckoned Professor Leitch could carry a tune.
Maybe “I’m Gonna Be” by the Proclaimers; if he sang about being at our side and rolling 500 miles he might have comforted us even more while battling Covid.
I was toying with the idea of asking Professor Leitch’s people if he’d ever sung I’m Gonna Be at a karaoke night or anything like that.
But I feared my flippant inquiry would waste his time, even if it was only a bit of fun to lift the gloom.
He did say recently though that his time in the limelight had surreal moments.
Like callers asking him during a phone-in to select which football matches they could attend or being accused of banning Christmas carol singing – or social media rants about being sick of the sight of him.
And then there was what he dubbed the “extreme” element, including Covid conspiracy theorists, who bombarded him with emails.
Maybe my Proclaimers question was not so out of place after all among these other oddballs.
Task of reducing NHS waiting lists
Tomorrow (Monday April 4) marks another Scottish mask-easing phase in our awkward dance out of Covid restrictions.
It’s more of a foxtrot: quick, slow, quick, quick, slow.
But credit where credit is due to Professor Leitch.
He has another job, of course: trying to reduce grotesque non-Covid NHS waiting lists, particularly for cancer patients.
Cancer Research UK's response to today's cancer treatment waiting times statistics published by Public Health Scotland which show that 21 per cent of patients were waiting longer than 62 days to start treatment after an urgent suspected cancer referral. https://t.co/PZuPdI2EjF pic.twitter.com/aKQSifYqCF
— Cancer Research UK in Scotland (@CRUKScotland) March 29, 2022
But don’t forget others also languishing in limbo and agony down the list – for new knees or hips.
Crocodile tears from political leaders will not massage that away.
I thought of this as I filled in my Scottish Government census form online.
Among eye-catching questions about nationality and transgender sexual orientation there was something less obvious – questions about daily pain and lack of mobility.
Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I wondered if this might focus attention on waiting lists.
But I suspect it will be lost among the mass of statistics, which is exactly how many on the list must feel.
I’ve also been waiting months for something to pop through my door.
Testing for bowel cancer
It was my overdue invitation to perform a DIY bowel-cancer test.
As everyone over 50 knows, there is a pioneering Scottish bowel-screening programme: you carry out a procedure at home and post it to a NHS team in Dundee for analysis.
Yes, it might feel embarrassing even though you have complete privacy in the smallest room.
But indignity is a small price to pay if an early cancer warning saves your life.
It’s every two years, but my latest was six months overdue.
Don’t let the thought of cancer play on your mind. If something in your body doesn’t feel right, contact your GP practice. Most people who go for tests find out it’s not cancer. Finding out sooner is always better.
Pleased to support the NHS #HelpUsHelpYou campaign. pic.twitter.com/ah7bdJyeSu
— Bowel Cancer UK (@bowelcanceruk) March 30, 2022
It was playing on my mind a little, but I assumed the service was suffering a dose of Covid disruption.
So it was a pleasant surprise when the test kit arrived a few days ago; I never thought I would ever say that.
Warning of Covid-related delays
And reassuring that the Dundee bowel people were on the move again, if you forgive the expression.
But they are warning that if you need further investigation there could be Covid-related delays stretching ahead even after restrictions have gone.
It reminds us that clear health messaging is vital whether it’s from Professor Leitch or the Scottish bowel-screening service.
About 4,000 people in Scotland are diagnosed each year with bowel cancer.
I caught up with a much-respected former colleague for coffee recently.
Now in his mid-50s, he suffered a savage health shock after not pursuing these NHS prompts over the years.
But he hoped his example would persuade others to pay more attention to those little white packages from Dundee as they came through the door, and get themselves checked.
He has just started another arduous course of chemotherapy.
David Knight is the long-serving former deputy editor of The Press and Journal
